I'm Doing This

Well, school starts tomorrow morning at 8 and I'll officially be a student teacher. I'm still terrified, but I think I'm starting to realize where my being so scared comes from. I went to a meeting at Lock Haven all day on Friday and was thrown back into my education so fast that when I pulled out of the parking lot, my mind didn't know where to land. So much to think about: things I learned back then have changed, I don't remember as much as I probably should, I'm not used to having so much to do and so little time to do it... all things that I haven't had to worry about over the past four years.

I also realized at that meeting that this is what I want to do with my life and I'm completely sure about that. That's what makes it scary, isn't it? If you don't know what to do, if you don't know what you want, there's nothing to be scared of because there's no chance of messing anything up. When you have goals - big ones that you refuse to let go of - you can fail. You can be crushed and you can be let down and when your mind is set on something so good and so important to you, you have a long way to fall if it doesn't work out the way you want it to. I could put this off another few years if I wanted to. And waiting 'til Mase is in school would be a lot easier on me since I wouldn't have to put him in daycare or anything. But waiting won't really help either, would it? Because there's always going to be an excuse as to why it's not the right time and I'll probably always be scared. Why wait when what you want is right there, just waiting for you to make a move.. to take the opportunity that'll finally make you happy after you get past the fear.

And I just realized I'm talking about two things at once, but I do think the same logic applies to a lot of people in a lot of situations. If you quit, you'll never fail, but you'll never know what could have happened, either. I could waitress for the rest of my life and make decent money and live comfortably and semi-easily, but I'll never know how happy I could have been, doing what I honestly feel like I'm supposed to do. So yeah.. I'm going to suck it up tomorrow. No quitting for this chick.