Hello? Brain?

With only ten days until I am, once again, officially a college student, I believe I'm having what any esteemed professional would call a completementalfuckingbreakdown. It's been almost four years since I've even TAKEN a class and now I'm going to be in front of one, teaching America's youth. We're completely screwed.

The only thing I've written in the past two years is this blog. Seriously. I tell people I'm writing a novel, and no, I'm not lying, but it's four pages and they're shit. I always read, so I haven't forgotten how to do that, but four years of valuable reading time has been spent on Chuck Palahniuk, Kurt Vonnegut, Christopher Moore, Wally Lamb, and anything else even mildly entertaining that I can read in five minute intervals throughout the day without having to worry about breaking concentration. For the love of god, I read the Twilight series. Shakespeare? Hemingway? Faulkner? Much too difficult to focus on between picking smashed Goldfish crackers out of the carpet and making sure Mason doesn't stick his finger in a light socket.

Having a child has made me a better person in so many more ways that I can think of but it's also made me much more stupid. I'm not kidding. While being Mommy requires an endless amount of patience, it doesn't really require too many brain cells. I read Dr. Seuss, I don't analyze it. I don't look for common themes, allusion, metaphors, or imagery and I'm sure as heck not trying to figure out the symbolism of The Sneetches. I'm reading the book, trying to keep Mason from ripping the pages, and paying attention to what I'm saying only close enough to not stumble on the rhymes while really I'm thinking about beaches and palm trees and the episode of True Blood I only got half-way through. That's being a mom. It's amazing and satisfying, but it's not rocket science. I play with Play Doh, I swing, I slide, and I make turkey dogs for lunch. I keep Mason safe, entertained, happy, and loved. I just don't think much.

Ten days. Still plenty of time to back out, right?

I won't, but I want to.