Too Busy

In a month, the school year will be over and I won't be subbing anymore. While I have no idea what I'm going to do about money for three months, I can't wait to have all that extra time to spend with Mason. I think Mommy Guilt is one of the worst emotions I've ever experienced and lately it's as though I'm feeling it constantly. Between substituting every day of the week, bartending a few nights a week plus weekends, trying to keep my house in some semblance of order, cooking, grocery shopping, etc., etc., etc., I feel so guilty about the lack of time I'm spending with Mason. It's awful and most days it consumes my thoughts. I used to wish he wouldn't climb up my legs while I stood at the stove - now, the way he occupies himself with his toys while I cook dinner crushes a little part of me.

I applied for a reading teacher position on Monday. I know there's going to be a hundred applicants and I know how slim the chances of me even getting an interview are, but I can't help daydreaming about being able to work 7-3 Monday-Friday and at least give up the bartender crap. Weekends off. Summers off. Not to mention teaching middle school reading is the most perfect job I can think of aside from being a full-time stay-at-home mom. I want that job (the teaching one) so bad it's crazy.

And just in case my life wasn't busy enough, I went ahead and applied to grad school. I figure if all else fails, and I can't find a job for next school year, I can at least live off student loans and not have to work so much.

I don't know, but I hope the next month goes fast. I don't even think I'll look for another job this summer. As long as I can make my car payment and feed my kid, I really don't care much about money. He's going to be three in fourteen days - he's growing up right in front of my face. Bills can wait. Mason can't.